MOM GOES FOR A MORPHINE
NAP AND DOESN’T WAKE UP
In 2015, my family traveled for a
week to Bar Harbor, Maine
for Thurston’s lobster, Westside Café’s blueberry pie and to celebrate Mom and
Dad’s thirtieth wedding anniversary. Fearing the inevitable after my father,
Buddy Kenner, was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Lobe Dementia, and my mother,
Maureen Kenner, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer, I wanted to convey my
love with a symbolic gesture. Watching my father’s mind degenerate while my
mother’s body did the same was gut-wrenching. So, I planned and organized an
oral history project. I recorded thirty hours of interviews and conversations
with my mom. And so, our family was also able to make many happy memories
during the dark days.
I turned her oral history into Room For Grace because I wanted to
capture her stories that were full of reflection and hope. The book became a
commitment I made to my parents, my family, and our legacy. I needed a cathartic
project to keep me close to my parents, to hear their voices, to feel
protected. As Mom stood at the end of her life, she lived optimistically, as a
patient and as a caregiver. It was a beautiful, imperfect struggle.
Six months after they passed, I
went out west for two weeks - I had my parents’ voices burning inside my heart
and my memory and I needed to write them down. My pen just didn’t stop. The
dialogues became the important impetus that helped fuel my spirit to finish the
book. It’s just a memory, but today I wanted to share what one of the last
conversations I had with my mom felt like…
MOM I’m
thirsty.
SON You
going to give dad a hug for me? I’m going to miss your beautiful blue eyes.
MOM They’re
not so blue right now.
SON No.
MOM Can I
have a tissue? Uh, uh, I need some more oxygen on my face.
SON Make sure to swallow that
pill. I promise I’ll cut out hearts on people’s birthdays. I’ll get milkshakes
on the first day of school. I’ll be a good Santa Claus. I’ll ask a lot of
questions. I’ll stay late at work.
MOM But have
fun.
SON Have fun.
MOM Not all work. Work hard,
play hard. Take care of others. Find the things you love, tell your stories.
SON A lot of
them will have you in them.
MOM Don’t be
a downer, just keep looking out for positivity.
SON
Inclusivity. Compassion.
MOM Of
course.
SON Tolerance.
That there’s always room for grace?
MOM Is that
white chap stick over there?
SON Blistex.
MOM No, shea
butter.
SON I’m not
sure I see it. Oh, here you go.
MOM I knew
what I was doing when I chose my sister as your Godparent.
SON I want
one more look.
MOM Love you.
SON Love you
so much, mom.
MOM It’s
going to be okay.
SON I’ll find
a lot of heart rocks for us.
MOM Sjhdksdks…
SON Say it again…
MOM Am I all
covered in?
SON You are.
Yeah.
MOM I’m
chilly. Can you get another blanket?
SON Sure.
MOM The
yellow one.
SON The
yellow ones already on you.
MOM Skhsdkhsd…
SON Say it
again…
MOM Wake me
when the nurse gets here.
SON Sure
mom, I love you.
MOM I love
you too.
SON Have a
good nap.
MOM If I
need to, can I reach the ice?
SON Yup, it’s
right on the table. Keep your throat wet.
MOM Thank
you.
SON Of
course mom. You comfortable?
MOM Yeah.
SON Good. I
love you mom.
MOM I love
you.
SON I’m
proud of you.
MOM Smooch.
SON I’m
turning off the light, but it’s not symbolic. It’s just a light. I love you.
And because it’s the
last thing I remember her saying…
MOM I want to thank you for being
so free with your thoughts. I am so appreciative.
Daniel Kenner is the author of the newly published, Room For Grace. Daniel wrote Room For Grace after conducting an oral
history with his mother, Maureen Kenner, on her thirtieth wedding anniversary. Through anecdotes and hard-earned lessons, Maureen tackles challenge after
challenge and reframes daily struggles
with a positive outlook allowing her to transcend and conquer mortal fears with dignity and room for grace. More
information can be found at www.RoomForGrace.org. Room For Grace is partnering with
different organizations and 10% of each book purchased will be donated. New
organizations will be selected every 1,000 books sold! The first program Daniel
has chosen to donate to is Eye to Eye. Eye to Eye began in Maureen Kenner’s Room
4. The program chiseled through structure and uncovered a remarkably beautiful
approach into a child’s life. Once a week the members of Eye to Eye talked
openly about learning disabilities. Maureen always remembered when a mentor
revealed he had spent most of third grade in the bathroom. He had figured out
when it would be his turn to read and, embarrassed by his dyslexia, went to the
bathroom to hide out. Another positive aspect Maureen loved about Eye to Eye
was the classroom-based mentoring. They college students would come and work
with her “Lego” kids, the kids who saw the world in a mechanically different
way, who thought outside of the box, who could build things with their hands. Maureen’s
students were mentored and followed through middle school, high school and onto
college. Eye to Eye's mission is to improve the life of every person with a
learning disability. They fulfill their mission by supporting and growing a
network of youth mentoring programs run by and for those with learning
differences, and by organizing advocates to support the full inclusion of
people with learning disabilities and ADHD in all aspects of society. Mentors
talk openly and bravely about their experiences. Mentees realize they are not
alone, sometimes for the very first time. They see someone who was once just
like they are today. More importantly, they see someone they hope to be
tomorrow.
Daniel
Kenner rocked out to Bob Dylan’s “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” while other
infants sang “Mary Had A Little Lamb.” A proud member of Actor’s Equity,
SAG-AFTRA, and National Players Tour 60, Daniel was a Presidential Arts Scholar
at George Washington
University and Scholarship
recipient at The British American Drama Academy. Directed the Washington
D.C. premier of Sarah Kane’s Crave. Author
of the manuscript, Roux. Winner of the Rhode Island Playwriting Festival for
his World War II letters home drama, Fields of Sacrifice. Adapted Les
Misérables for high school stages.
Maureen
Kenner’s heart was in the classroom. For thirty-five years she was a Special
Education teacher in the Providence Public Schools. Born and raised in Dobbs
Ferry, New York, Maureen
graduated from Rhode Island College
with a degree in education and later earned a Master’s Degree from Providence
College. Maureen was a vital
influence at the Vartan Gregorian
Elementary School at Fox Point,
working tirelessly as a mentor for the betterment of all children and their
families. Honored with many accolades throughout her career, Maureen was
awarded Providence Teacher of the Year in 2003. Living with cancer, as a model
patient, Maureen exemplified integrity, courage, grace, and hope. For thirty-one
years, through sickness and health, Maureen was the beloved soul mate to the
late Jacob “Buddy” Kenner, her
intense love recognized in 2016 as a Rhode Island Caregiver of the Year.
WEBSITE & SOCIAL LINKS:
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About the Book:
Stage 4 cancer for her and a debilitating disease for her husband: life
crashed down in an instant. Maureen Kenner found resilience, however, in the
lessons she learned from her Special Ed students
in Providence, RI. Her
students lived with their hearts opened despite struggles of the highest
magnitude. Through these students, Maureen gains courage, humor, and the
strength of spirit to face her devastating realities, head on. Maureen’s oral
history was captured by her son Daniel who tenderly wrought this book out of
their recorded conversations. Through anecdotes and hard-earned lessons,
Maureen tackles challenge after challenge and reframes daily struggles with a
positive outlook allowing her to transcend and conquer mortal fears with
dignity and room for grace.
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